Learning how to set boundaries as a busy mum is an absolute gamechanger and for many of us it can feel really difficult and uncomofrtable. We often think that by setting boundaries we are being selfish or pushing others away, but what if I told you the opposite was true? This is such a game changer, we are going to spend the next 3 weeks unpacking this idea and learning togehter what boudaries are and are not, how to undertake a boundary audit and learn how to set healthy boundaries. We will also cover this topic and more at our first event pay what you can mumday event on surviving the silly season on December 4. This webinar is not recorded and includes exclusive content and Q&A time. it is designed with mums in mind, scheduled for the evening and 100% online so you can join in your jammies and spend some time filling your cup, register now to grab your place.
So what is a boundary?
Many mums I speak to express discomfort at this idea. When we probe deeper though we often struggle to define it and often end up at a version of boundaries mean saying no. When I thought this was what a boundary was, I struggled with this idea too. Psychologists told me it is a concptual definition between myself and others (to be honest, I still don't fully get that one). Then I found the definition by Brene Brown and boundaries became easier to accept. Brene says boundaries are simply:
"what's ok and what's not ok..."
It is about understanding our own values and what behaviours align or don't align with this. What is OK for me, will probably be really different to what is OK for you and that is...you guessed it, OK. By understanding this, we are able to be truer to ourselves and make more conscious choices about what we do and how we do it.
I like the definition, but I still feel boundaries are selfish or push people away
When I got this concept, I then looked into Brene's work more and some other studies too and discovered that research shows that people with healthy boundaries are more likely to be compassionate and generous (Brene) and more satisfied with life in general (Journal of Social and Personal Relationships in 2020). What? How?
Basically this comes down to the fact that people with strong boundaries are more likely to respect and value themselves, they are less likely to be (or feel) taken advantage of and they are less likely to resent other people. I love this two minute clip where Brene explains this idea in an interview with Kelly Clarkson. It is pretty empowering to think that we can be more compassionate, more generous and happier if we choose to set boundaries.
So boundaries aren't bad.... what do good boundaries look like?
On Thursday we will be sharing a great free worksheet in our 'free self-help' section which provides examples of the different areas that healthy boundaries exist so you can start seeing therory and practice and reflect on your own life and boundaries, ready to do an audit next week.
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