I often get asked, is it really possible to feel differently? And the answer is an absolute, clear and categorical yes. This blog will dive into how this is possible and give some suggestions about different activities you can try that will help you to process your emotions and feel differently, without actually changing the situation. Some of these can be done in as little as 30 seconds and the good news is the more you practice these things, the easier it will become as your brain establishes new neural pathways and learns different ways to think and respond.
As a mum balancing the demands of work and family life, your emotions can often feel like a rollercoaster. From the highs of achieving a work goal to the lows of an afternoon meltdown, competing demands, a never ending to do list and feeling like you are failing, it's easy to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, exhausted, sad and let down (sometimes all in the one day!) When a certain situation or experience (such as a partner forgetting to do something) leads to a feeling (like frustration or disappointment) over time what happens is that our brains try to help us by building a neural connection or pathway between that situation or a response making this reaction more immediate. Pleased with it's progress it will then "help" you more by supporting you to anticipate so you start to dread asking, feel let down as you ask and probably soon you will avoid it.
It is understandable that in the moment, you would feel frustrated, disappointed or stressed, this makes total sense. Often though we allow that feeling to stay with us for longer than it probably should. We can allow it to shape our interactions after (such as snapping at our kids or other people or being distracted or out of the moment). The longer this feeling sticks with it, the harder it can be to shift, the more it ruins your day and the faster these neural pathways will form leading to a more immediate and intense reactions next time and for similar situations too.
There is a growing body of research on emotional regulation that shows it is possible for us to change how we feel (and respond) without actually changing the situation or circumstance. Doing this over time builds resilience, providing cushioning from additional bumps and nudges and also allows you to be more present and enjoy the moment. People that do this well are able to choose to be happy and content in the moment, they are not happy "when" or "if" and don't allow external variables to ruin their day. Here are some tried and tested strategies:
Idea 1 - Reappraisal
Reappraisal involves changing the way you think about a situation to alter how you feel. For example, if you're feeling stressed about a work deadline, try reframing it as an opportunity to showcase your skills and expertise. Studies have shown that mums who frequently use cognitive reappraisal experience fewer negative emotions and cope better with the demands of work and home. Recent studies have provided compelling evidence for the effectiveness of these emotion regulation strategies. For example, a study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology found that individuals who used cognitive reappraisal showed reduced emotional reactivity to stressful events compared to those who did not use this strategy. This suggests that cognitive reappraisal can help individuals maintain emotional balance in challenging situations.
So when you are next in the moment, challenge yourself to think about the situation differently. If this is difficult, try starting with a "what if" statement such as "what if I felt calm?" this opens the door to experiment and play
Idea 2 - Writing
Expressive writing is another effective tool for processing emotions. Taking just a few minutes each day to jot down your thoughts and feelings can help you make sense of challenging situations and reduce the intensity of negative emotions. It's like giving yourself a mental "reset" button, allowing you to approach each day with a fresh perspective. A study, published in the journal Emotion, found that expressive writing can lead to improvements in mood and well-being. Participants who engaged in expressive writing about their deepest thoughts and feelings reported lower levels of depression and anxiety compared to those who did not engage in expressive writing.
So when you next find yourself in the moment, take a few minutes to jot down your thoughts or even leave yourself a voice note talking through what you are feeling. The more you process your feelings in this way the easier it will become and eventually you can do this in your head.
Idea 3 - Mindfulness
Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and yoga, can also help you regulate your emotions. These practices involve paying attention to the present moment without judgment, which can help you become more aware of your emotions and choose how to respond to them. Just a few minutes of mindfulness each day can make a big difference in how you feel. Studies have shown that mindfulness can reduce stress and anxiety, improve mood, and enhance overall well-being. Research on mindfulness has also yielded promising results. A study published in the journal Mindfulness found that mindfulness-based interventions can lead to reductions in stress and improvements in mood among working adults. Another study, published in the journal Frontiers in Psychology, found that mindfulness meditation can enhance emotional regulation skills and reduce emotional reactivity.
When you next find yourself in a moment, slow down breathe and start narrating what you are doing in a slow calm voice in your head, focus on slow, deliberate movements. Check out the free tools on www.mumshine.com.au for some suggestions you can try in under 5 minutes a day.
Idea 4 - Visualisation & substitution
When we visualise emotions, it can help us to take the emotion from something big and unmovable that is a part of us and take it and internal and personal and externalise it. As you do this, you can remove a lot of its power and see it as something that is not part of you, something that is transient, something which can be changed. You might visualise a scene around you of what rage looks like - maybe standing at the edge of a volcano, feeling the heat and pressure. You might then think of an opposite moment such as calm and gradually overwrite this visualisation as the lava becomes water and it gradually becomes a calm beach with cool air. Visualisation allows these changes to happen really quickly, and again with practice this over time, it will become easier.
This is the idea that sounds most far fetched to a lot of people but it is evidenced based. study in the Journal of Behaviour Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry found that visualizing a peaceful scene led to decreased anxiety levels and emotion substitution has been studied for its ability to regulate emotions. A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that consciously replacing negative emotions with positive ones can lead to improved emotional well-being.
When you next find yourself in a situation where you want to feel differently, check out our free too on emotional substitution on www.mumshine.com.au for a step by step activity.
Hopefully this blog helps you to see that it is possible to retrain your brain and feel differently in the moment and change how you respond and how you feel for the rest of the day so that you can shine a bit brighter.
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