Supporting someone with neurodivergent burnout

When someone you love is in neurodivergent burnout, it can feel heartbreaking and confusing to watch.

You might see them withdrawing, struggling with everyday tasks, becoming more sensitive, or losing skills that once came easily. You might want to help but feel unsure how, especially when well-meaning encouragement or problem-solving seems to make things worse.

Neurodivergent burnout isn’t something that can be fixed with motivation, positivity, or pushing through. Support during this time is less about doing more and more about doing differently.

Burnout isn’t a failure.

It’s a nervous system response to prolonged overload.

For neurodivergent people, burnout often reflects years of adapting, masking, and meeting expectations in environments that weren’t built with them in mind. Recovery doesn’t come from “getting back to normal” but from creating enough safety for the nervous system to settle.

Your presence and understanding matter more than perfect words.

When someone is in neurodivergent burnout, these common responses can unintentionally increase distress:

• Encouraging them to “just try a little harder”

• Offering lots of suggestions or solutions at once

• Reassuring them that they’ll “bounce back soon”

• Minimising their experience by comparing it to stress or tiredness

• Expecting them to explain what they need when they’re already depleted

• Promoting sleep and rest (doing nothing)

Burnout reduces capacity for communication, decision-making, and self-advocacy. If someone can’t tell you what would help, that’s not resistance - it’s exhaustion.

If you have been doing these things, that is OK - you have been doing the best you can, with the tools and knowledge you had at the time.

Support during neurodivergent burnout is about lowering load and increasing safety.

Here are some ways that can look in practice.

For many neurodivergent people, even small demands can feel enormous during burnout. Fewer asks equals more breathing room.

This might mean:

• Temporarily letting go of non-essential tasks

  This can include giving overt permission to not do things and stop doing things (even if it is something adults "should" be able to do) and sometimes this can be helping them to identify things to pause.

• Taking over decision-making where you can

  Decision fatigue is real and a huge source of cognitive load (especially for ND mums). Removing decisions and questions, using defaults or limiting decisions to A-B choices, lightens the load.

• Removing expectations around productivity or progress

  This can be stopping talk of "when you are through this" or planning for the future. This is not about taking away hope but about reducing pressure to be healed or better.

• Allowing rest without time limits or conditions

  Rest can look different for ND people, often rest might be doing something creative or restorative or engaging in passions or working on a project - doing nothing is often not restful.

• Reducing social engagements and expectations - taking a pause on social events and interactions where the person needs to mask but maintaining meaningful "safe" connections. This might be being near people.

As neurodivergent mums in burnout our options to reduce demands are often limited. There is a base load that comes with being (often) the primary caregiver for kids which is not negotiable. We need support to help reduce the load and allow our nervous system to recover.

This might mean:

• Finding ways to outsource cognitive load

  Where can reminders be set, can things be automated (e.g. same meals each week and a standard shopping list on repeat), can a virtual assistant be used.

• Increase practical supports

  Looking at the load the person carries (Fair Play is a great card game and resource to look at this load as much of this is hidden) and find strategies to reassign (to you, another family member or friend or even paid help if budget allows). Things like cleaning, school drop off and collection, child care, taking kids to birthday parties, appointments, meal preparation.

• Paid Employment Adjustments

  Depending on the employer there are a range of accommodations which can be made (temporarily or permanent) including reduced or compressed hours, working from home, job share. Fair work, have some great resources about options which can be explored and suggestions on how to approach it.

When we are in burnout - it means that we can't do that things we "used" to be able to do, or "should" be able to. Taking these obligations away without guilt, or pressure for recovery gives space for recovery to start.

When our sensory needs are not met, our nervous system is in a state of dysregulation.

This might mean:

• Understanding sensory needs

  We all have different sensory needs and when we understand what these needs are, we can find ways to honour them.

• Creating accommodations to support those needs being met

  This could be a dedicated space or adjustments during the day like headphones, subtitles, sunglasses blinds open or closed. Ideally a combination

• Supporting the person to access this space

  Creating reminders, or putting tools where they are needed, popping body checks or sensory time into the routine

While everyone is unique, these patterns are common:

• ADHD burnout may benefit from gentle reactivation over time. Completely removing stimulation can sometimes increase frustration or low mood. Support might include light structure, novelty in small doses, or help breaking tasks into tiny steps.

• Autistic burnout usually needs deeper rest and reduced sensory, social, and cognitive load. Pushing too early can prolong recovery. Support often means protecting quiet, sameness, and predictability.

• Combined profiles (ADHD + autism) may need a careful balance. One part may crave stimulation while another needs rest. Flexibility and permission to change approach day-to-day can be key.

There is no universal timeline. Recovery happens at the pace the nervous system allows.

If you’re supporting someone in burnout, you matter too.

It’s okay to feel tired, unsure, or even frustrated at times. Seeking support for yourself isn’t selfish - it helps you show up with more steadiness and compassion.

You don’t have to do this alone.

Supporting someone in neurodivergent burnout isn’t about fixing or fast-tracking recovery. It’s about walking alongside them, reducing pressure, and creating safety while their system finds its way back to balance.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “This sounds like us,” you’re not failing. You’re noticing.

And noticing is often the first step toward kinder, more sustainable support

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If you’d like a deeper understanding of what neurodivergent burnout is and why it differs from neurotypical burnout, check out my other blogs to read at your own time.