After an Autism or ADHD Diagnosis: What Changes (and What Doesn’t)

When we finally reach the point of a diagnosis - often we think it is an ending. We finally have an answer or an explanation - often years or decades in the making. Often after a huge investment of time and resources and effort.

But it is not an ending - it is the start of a whole new chapter.

In theory a diagnosis does not change anything - the facts are the facts, what is happening is happening. A diagnosis just gives more insight and information so we can make different choices. But in reality - it feels like everything changes, one moment at a time.

There’s a moment after diagnosis of "I knew it", or "finally" or "what the?".

And then after that moment there is another of "so what", "what now", "what if".... And after that another moment, and another.

Because while the label might give you answers, it also changes things in ways you didn’t expect. Not just emotionally, but practically too.

And often these things appear to all pile on, all at once.

• Decisions to make - who to tell, when and how, medications, supports.

• Emotions to process - grief, relief, loss, fear, doubt, frustration, hope

• Things to learn - a whole new vocab, culture and world

• A new narrative to create - who am I now, what does this mean

We feel like we are behind, that we need to do everything now. That we have somehow failed or missed the boat.

What I have learned is that.

Diagnosis isn’t a single moment. It’s a process, that keeps unfolding.

A process of:

• making sense of things

• reshaping identity

• learning what actually helps

• and finding your way forward in a world that doesn’t always make it easy

For us - diagnosis usually comes later in life. It feels like a missing piece of the puzzle and we feel huge pressure to finish the puzzle to put all the other pieces into place.

It often looks like:

• rethinking who we are (and who you’ve had to be)

• discovering our needs… sometimes for the first time

• learning how to advocate and shape our world to support us

• finding ways to lead a more authentic life, that serves you

This process takes time and can feel daunting - where do I start? what is really me? where is it safe to be who I really am?

Because we are not wearing one mask - we are wearing many layers, built up over a lifetime.

A gentle reminder - it is OK to take your time with this.

Each need we uncover and honour takes us a step closer to who we are.
We never stop learning.

For our kids - diagnosis often comes after years of worry, of noticing, of advocating. Of professionals that dismiss and disregard us. By the time we get the diagnosis, we are already exhausted.

Post diagnosis often looks like:

• grief and sense-making of this new information

• learning how to support your child in a neuroaffirming way

• navigating systems, school and processes not designed for them

• holding everything together while trying to understand it all

• dealing with additional admin, appointments and load.

This process feels heavy and intense. Like everything is urgent and that we are already behind and we are making choices where the future looks scary, and we already feel like there is nothing left in the tank.

Because life won't wait while we work out what it all means.

A gentle reminder - you are not behind, there is no race.

You are the best person to raise your child & it is OK to take some time to work out what this all means.

The post diagnosis process can feel really lonely. Like you are the only one. Nobody around you seems to get it - or they provide advice, 'helpful suggestions' and hacks that just make you feel worse.

There is a huge power in knowing you are not alone, that you are not behind, that you are not failing. Hearing from others who have been in a similar place and made it through. Or someone to sit with in the moment, that is right where you are.

Having a space where you can just be - not explain - not justify - not mask. With other people that get it, can be really helpful.

Having support to work out what it all means, one small, safe step at a time - so you don't have the burden of working it out alone. Because your load is already heavy.

This is why I created Mumshine Groups www.mumshine.com.au/groups

because this is not a path we are meant to walk alone.

The 2 neruoaffirming groups support these 2 pathways:

1. Unmasking women

• Identity exploration, discovering needs, advocacy & accommodations.

2. Mums raising neurodivergent kids

• Emotion processing, neuroaffirming parenting, reducing the load.

Registrations are open now with next groups starting after school holidays.