Overcoming mum guilt while raising neurodiverse kids

Mum guilt is unique to the motherhood experience. It encapsulated feelings of self-doubt, inadequacy, and worry and leaves us feeling like we are failing, like we are not enough no matter how hard we try and what we do. As mums who juggle the demands of work, family, and personal life on a daily basis, it can be hard to fee like we are doing anything well. Mum guilt tends to increase at key decision points such as returning to work, choosing schooling and at key milestones where a child "should" be able to undertake certain tasks or when their development might look different to their peers. 

​

Mum guilt starts before our babies are even born. We start to question our decisions, worry that we have done something wrong, feel overwhelmed with choices, feel judged and need to justify what we are doing and ultimately we start to doubt and question whether or not we will be a 'good mum'. Somehow we think that when the baby comes that we will feel different, but often the feelings get stronger. Whether it is a first child or a subsequent child the doubts and guilt still exist. When you add in a neurodiversity diagnosis, that mum guilt can take on a life of its own. 

​

Mum's seem more prone to thinking than fathers and it is anticipated about 80 percent of mums experience unpleasant guilty thoughts relating to their parenting on a regular basis. Left unchecked, these thoughts can manifest and lead to crisis of confidence, depression, feeling overwhelmed, anxious and burned out. Even if it doesn't get that bad, it still is a really unpleasant thing to have to live with. So many mums try to suppress feelings of guilt by putting something else on it like food, alcohol or online shopping to name a few. In addition to these unhealthy behaviours, mum guilt can also stop us being present, stop us enjoying life and make the most basic decisions feel crippling.  

​

The tricky think about mum guilt, is that taming it can sometimes feel like a game of 'whack a mole'. When we free ourselves from mum guilt in one way, up pops another! How life changing would it be if you could free yourself from mum guilt forever?

 

At Mumshine, this is one of the most common challenges that I support Mums with and mum guilt does not need to be part of your life.  I have a unique way of looking at mum guilt and finding the root cause of what is driving it. Based on this we then work through using a range of positive psychology techniques such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Compassion Focused Therapy and Solutions Based therapy to address the underlying cause of the guilt. This results in Mums having fewer feelings of guilt and when they do come up, they pass much faster and with less discomfort. With mum guilt managed, it becomes easier to make decisions, to be more present, to feel more confident, to be calmer and to enjoy the ride.