Calming the Nervous System — A Neurodivergent Perspective

When you don't have the correct user manual - it is easy to get lost

Why Our Nervous Systems Feel Different

For many mums — especially those who are neurodivergent or raising neurodivergent kids — the word overwhelm feels like a daily companion. The racing heart, the buzzing brain, the sense that you can’t catch your breath. For many of us, we start to think it is us “being too sensitive” or “not coping well enough.” When people tell us to just stop and take a breath - we immediately disengage and just want to well... lash out.

A while ago, I came across an article by Neurodivergent Insights that put everything into perspective. It is pretty detailed and takes about 15 minutes to read - but it steps through a logical story and has great diagrams to help. It explained why our autistic and ADHD nervous systems can feel so much more sensitive — and why the strategies that work for neurotypical people don’t always work for us. Honestly, I wish I had found it years ago. It’s one of those pieces I now share often with my clients, because it really does feel like finally being handed the “user manual” for our brains. If you want to read the article, but 15 minutes feels like too much right now - there is no shame in asking AI for a summary - or keep reading for my 3 minute highlights reel below 💛

The “Why” Behind Overwhelm

What I love about this article is the clarity. It highlights how the autistic and ADHD nervous system is more easily activated — meaning our fight, flight, or freeze responses can switch on faster and stay switched on longer. This isn’t weakness, and it isn’t something to be ashamed of. It’s biology. Our wiring means that regulation looks a little different.

When you understand the “why,” everything else clicks into place. You stop blaming yourself for not being able to “just relax” or “calm down.” You realise you haven’t been doing it wrong — you’ve been trying to use the wrong tools for the way your system works.

If you think about this - for the majority of human evolution - this highly tuned system would be an incredible strength. We would be more easily able to spot danger, to respond in times of crisis to protect ourselves, and the community around us and to be able to think really quickly for alternate solutions when needed most. It is only in the current age, where life is so busy, where there is so many decisions, so much information and so many interactions each day - that it trips us up. Where the environment around us, with artificial lights, sounds, smells and textures bombards our systems signalling danger. As this part of our brain can't tell the difference between actual threat to life and other forms of threat like social and emotional danger. When we can understand what is happening within our bodies - we are empowered with strategies to soothe, calm and comfort ourselves on a neurological level.

Calming the Nervous System (ND-Friendly Ways)

This is where the practical side comes in. The strategies shared in Neurodivergent Insights are simple, kind, and actually work with our brains, not against them. A few of my favourites include:

• Movement as regulation – rocking, pacing, or stretching rather than sitting still and forcing calm. Many of us have learned over time to suppress these stims so it all gets bottled up inside, but there are safe ways to do it and soothe ourselves.

• Breath with rhythm – slow, patterned breathing (think box breathing or humming) instead of just “deep breaths.” In my neurodivergent brain, I never found the concept of "breathing" specific enough and holding my attention to it was impossible. When I work with clients I help them find strategies that work with their brain to make impactful breathing easier to do.

• Sensory comfort – weighted blankets, fidgets, soft textures, or sounds and smells that grounds you. The power of having a safe space, attuned to your needs is a game changer.

• Body scanning – gently noticing where tension sits and offering those areas release or attending to needs like hunger and thirst which might be unnoticed can help to calm us before we notice we are in a state of dysregulation.

• Micro-pauses – short, regular breaks instead of pushing through to collapse. I find this one harder to remember but really powerful when built into transition time. Giving our brains a moment to "catch up".

The power here isn’t in finding a single “magic fix” but in experimenting with what works for you — and letting go of the pressure to regulate like everyone else.

Why This Matters for Mums

For mums, especially those raising neurodivergent kids, having a regulated nervous system can be life-changing. If we are managing a meltdown or someone else's emotional needs - we can't do that effectively from a space of dysregulation and this is when we spiral. When our nervous system is overloaded, it’s harder to show up with patience, compassion, and clarity. Calming our system isn’t selfish — it’s the foundation for being able to care for ourselves and our families.

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I’ve seen this shift with clients again and again: once they start using ND-friendly calming tools, they feel less stuck in cycles of anxiety and more able to recover from everyday stress. It doesn’t mean life gets easy overnight, but it does mean you feel less like you’re drowning.

A Note of Gratitude

I have to share my appreciation for Neurodivergent Insights. They are such a powerful voice in the neurodivergent community, bringing credibility and lived experience in a way that resonates deeply. Dr. Megan Neff's work validates what so many of us feel but can’t always explain, and gives us practical ways forward.

Final Thoughts: Finding Your Own Manual

If you’ve ever felt like you were running on empty, always in fight-or-flight, please know this: you’re not broken, you just need the right tools. Our nervous systems might be wired differently, but with the right support and strategies, regulation is possible.

Take some time to read the full article from Neurodivergent Insights here — it’s one I wish I’d had access to earlier in my own journey.

And if you’d like extra support applying these ideas in your own life, Mumshine is here with counselling, coaching, and practical tools designed for busy, neurodivergent mums. You don’t need to do this alone.