✨ Co-Care: The Win–Win Way to Nurture Neurodivergent Families

Self-care has long been described as a solo activity — something you do alone to refill your cup. That's fine when you just have to look after one cup - but when you are a mum, you have lots of cups that you are accountable for - we focus on filling those while ours stays empty.

For many neurodivergent mums, the traditional self-care narrative has always felt like a bad fit. The world tells us we should make time for ourselves, but our brains are wired for care — and once motherhood rewires those pathways even further through matrescence, the instinct to put our children first becomes hard-coded.

That’s where the concept of Co-Care was born. Co-Care is (I think) a Mumshine original idea — a neuroaffirming, realistic, and compassionate approach to self-care that honours both your needs and your child’s. It’s built on the understanding that for neurodivergent families, self-care doesn’t have to be me versus them. It can be us, together.

🌼 From Win–Loss to Win–Win

Traditional self-care often feels like a win–loss equation. If you choose yourself, you put others last. If you choose them, you miss out on "self" care - because traditional self care is meant to be time alone, away, all about you. So we can spend time trying to rewire our brains and feelings so we feel less 'selfish' or we can change the equation.

And for neurodivergent mums, the stakes are even higher. We often feel guilt for taking time away, especially when our ADHD energy or Autistic sensory load makes downtime essential. But what if we stopped seeing it as an either/or choice?

What if, instead of chasing separation, we created moments of shared regulation, rest, and joy — moments where everyone’s nervous system gets to exhale? That’s the foundation of co-care.

🌸 Why Co-Care Works for Neurodivergent Brains

1️⃣ Shared needs, shared strategies.

Neurodivergence is often genetic, meaning mums and kids frequently experience the world in similar ways. Loud noises might overwhelm both of you. Unstructured time might feel chaotic. The same sensory tools or routines that soothe your child can also help you. Or in some cases what soothes your child, makes you want to scream - Co-care invites you to notice those overlaps and build support systems that meet everyone’s needs together — instead of treating your self-care and their sensory care as two separate jobs.

2️⃣ Co-regulation is self-care.

Human nervous systems are social. We regulate best when we feel safe, seen, and connected — especially for ADHD and Autistic brains. When you and your child take a pause together — a few deep breaths, a drink of water, a body check-in — you’re engaging in co-regulation, the biological act of calming together.

These shared micro-moments of calm reduce stress hormones, ease overwhelm, and help prevent burnout for both of you.

3️⃣ It’s permission to unmask and reconnect.

Many ND mums describe feeling like they’re constantly “on.” Masking at work, at school pick-up, in social settings, and even at home. Co-care creates a bridge back to authenticity.

When you stim together, sit quietly side by side, or explore sensory comforts as equals, you’re showing your child that being neurodivergent is not something to hide — it’s something to honour. It’s a gentle process of unmasking in real time, through connection.

🌿 Co-Care in Practice: Small Things with Big Impact

Co-care doesn’t need to be a grand ritual or expensive activity.It’s about weaving small, mindful actions into everyday moments — things that soothe, regulate, and connect.

Here are some examples to spark ideas:

🩵 1. Body check-ins

Pause once or twice a day to notice what your bodies need. Ask:

• How does my body feel right now?

• What do I need — rest, movement, food, quiet, connection? You can do this aloud, together, even for a minute.

  
  

💧 2. Hydration moments

Neurodivergent mums often forget to drink water — and so do our kids. Make it playful: set a timer, turn it into a “drink together” moment, or use bright cups and silly straws.

🌬️ 3. Shared breathing or grounding

Try a five-minute reset together — three deep breaths, or a grounding exercise where you each name something you can see, hear, and feel. If you’re looking for inspiration, pop these ideas on slips of paper and draw one from a jar when you both need a pause.

🎨 4. Parallel play and rest

Self-care doesn’t always mean solitude. Grab a shared fluffy blanket, put on comfy clothes, and settle in for parallel play — you reading, them gaming or drawing. No pressure, no fixing, just quiet coexistence.

🧩 5. Movement as regulation

Dance in the kitchen, stretch on the floor, or take a slow walk. Movement helps ADHD brains reset and Autistic bodies release tension. Try experimenting with shared stims — rocking, bouncing, hand-flapping — and see what feels fun and freeing.(You can link to NeuroClastic’s “Stimming is Fun” book here — it’s a wonderful resource.)

🍃 6. Sensory comfort

Create shared sensory corners in your home — a dim lamp, soft blanket, gentle scent. If one person’s soothe is another’s scream, have a “comfort menu” of accommodations like headphones for someone to play loud music or noise cancelling devices to reduce the screams. Lights on but sunglasses on - you get the idea.

🍱 7. Co-care adventures

Sometimes, self-care means getting out of the house without pressure. Eat dinner from lunchboxes at the park, lie under a tree, or take the scenic route home. Fresh air and novelty can reset attention and emotions for ADHD and AuADHD brains alike.

🌼 Co-Care Builds Resilience (and Reduces Burnout)

When you approach care as a shared process, you’re not just managing your own energy — you’re modelling emotional regulation, flexibility, and empathy for your child.

This kind of family rhythm helps prevent burnout on both sides. It creates a gentle buffer for when life gets loud, unpredictable, or full of competing needs.

And most importantly, it breaks the cycle of self-neglect so many ND mums fall into — that belief that you have to wait for everyone else to be okay before you can rest.

💛 Co-Care Is Not About Perfection

Some days you’ll nail it. Some days you’ll forget to breathe, let alone co-breathe. That’s okay.Co-care isn’t a checklist — it’s a mindset of shared compassion.

It’s about seeing yourself as worthy of the same gentleness you offer everyone else.

You’re not doing it wrong if it looks messy. You’re doing it differently — and that’s where the magic is.

🌈 Try This Week’s Co-Care Challenge

Choose one small thing to try:

• A shared hydration moment,

• Five deep breaths before bed,

• Or a cosy 10-minute rest side by side.

Notice how it feels — not perfect, but softer. You might be surprised how much easier it is to care for yourself when you stop doing it alone.

🌻 Coming Next Week...

In Part 3 of this Self-Care Series, we’ll explore Co-Care Strategies by Age and Stage — from toddlerhood to teens — including sensory-friendly, practical ideas to make care easier and connection deeper. If you missed it Part 1 explains more on why traditional self-care is so hard (you are not alone in this).