In the last 2 weeks, we introduced the idea of accepting emotions to help remove their power. I heard back from some of our subscribers saying that they want to do this, but they are finding it really hard. After years of suppressing emotions, putting distractions in place or avoiding them - the idea of sitting with them is really uncomfortable and these years of habits keep nudging them to do something different. I totally get it, this is not at all uncommon. So for this blog, you asked for it and here it is, some tips to make expansion practice or accepting your emotions a little bit easier.
Start small, be patient, focus on the progress
Remember when making habits and learning new things it is always best to start small. If you wanted to learn to cook, you would probably start with toast, then maybe a boiled egg and gradually work your way up not start with a full brunch buffet with hand made croissants and omelettes (for those non-cookers out there, this would be a 12 out of 10 difficulty). This might sound like a really simple trick, but we often forget to start small, we often get impatient with ourselves, especially when it comes to how our brains work - but this is so important. Tell me what would feel better to you, setting a goal of 20-30 seconds and getting through it, then adding 5-10 seconds each time and succeeding, feeling confident as you grow or setting a goal for 2 minutes straight-up and finding it so uncomfortable that you need to stop or that you want to avoid it going forward? Which will make you more likely to keep going and try again?
Pro tip #1
When setting your goal for daily practice, think of a number of how many seconds you want to achieve and then immediately halve it. Start there and build up. Focus on the wins and the improvement that you see. You can always set a timer, to tick away in the background as well.
Scale your discomfort - perspective helps
Not all unpleasant thoughts and feelings are created equal, so some will be more difficult than others to sit with. When you have an unpleasant thought or feeling, giving it a score from 0-10 with 0 being no discomfort and 10 being unbearable, it will allow you to see how intense it is at the outset and also to see how it changes after sitting with it. When starting practice, I suggest choosing a thought which is between a 3-6. You want to feel uncomfortable, but not to feel out of control with that comfort. You need to know that you can survive it and feel confident that it can't hurt you.
Pro tip #2
Using an expansion log, like the one at www.mumshine.com.au in the free tools section is a great way to get comfortable with scaling and see the change in your emotions and thoughts over time.
Just remember to breathe
I know this sounds like a basic suggestion again, but it is important to remember that slow, controlled, deep breaths are like an emergency override for your brain. When you breathe deeply from your belly and slow the rate, it sends a powerful signal to your brain that you are safe. While sitting with the unpleasant thought or feeling, if you breathe with it and through it, it will help it to pass more easily.
Pro tip #3
Breathing does not have to be boring, you can make it interactive using box breathing, using your belly or even lion breathing, you can make it a little bit more fun and mix it up a bit. Our free tools section has a great handout on this.
The power of music
Music that is calming to you, played quietly, while you practice sitting with your thoughts and feelings can make the process of sitting with your thoughts and feelings a little easier. If you are going for higher scaled thoughts and feelings, or wanting to extend the duration of your practice, music can really help. If you have a song which is calming to you, it will help to soothe you as you think and feel (just like a baby's lullaby).
Pro tip #4
When choosing a song, or sound track, pick something with is calming too you - but try to avoid your favourite songs. The reason is, if you use it a lot, you might build up an association between the thought/feeling and the song. This means that when you hear the song, it might trigger those thoughts and feelings for you, which is not always idea.
So there, you have it. A few tips to help you to get started and make sitting with your thoughts and feelings a little easier - hopefully that makes it simpler to start, grow and continue. If the thoughts and feelings won't budge or are too intense for you to handle, remember to engage the services of a professional such as a counsellor or psychologist, to help you work through.
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