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🌈Boundaries Are Not Selfish: Rethinking Boundaries for Neurodivergent Mums

Updated: Jun 11



neurodivergent parents sitting in a circle talking about boundaries

Setting boundaries as a neurodivergent mum can feel uncomfortable — even selfish. But for many neurodivergent mums navigating the emotional load of parenting, learning to say what’s okay and what’s not okay can be an absolute gamechanger. What if setting boundaries didn’t push people away — but actually brought you closer to yourself and others?

Over the next few blogs, we’ll be exploring what healthy boundaries look like, how to do a gentle “boundary audit,” and how to start putting your needs on the map. If you’re ready to challenge the old belief that boundaries are selfish, you’re in the right place 💛


🌲What Is a Boundary, Really?

Many mums I speak to feel unsure about what a boundary actually is. We often reduce it to “saying no,” which — let’s face it — can feel impossible when you're already stretched. When I first heard a psychologist describe boundaries as “a conceptual definition between myself and others,” I panicked. What does that even mean?


Then I came across Brene Brown’s definition:

"what's ok and what's not ok..."

Suddenly it clicked. Boundaries are personal. They’re about tuning into your core values and identifying which behaviours align — or don’t. What’s okay for me might be totally different from what’s okay for you… and that’s not just fine — it’s healthy.


🧠But Isn’t Setting Boundaries Still Selfish?

Oh I get it — that sneaky voice that says “You’re being mean” or “You’re letting people down.” That’s not truth — that’s mum guilt talking. The good news? Research tells us the exact opposite.


Brené Brown’s work shows that people with strong boundaries are actually more compassionate and more generous, because they’re not running on empty. A 2020 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that those with clear boundaries experience greater life satisfaction.


Why? Because they’re more likely to:

  • Respect and value their own limits

  • Reduce emotional burnout

  • Avoid feeling taken advantage of

  • Communicate their needs clearly


Boundaries are an act of self-respect — and when you respect yourself, it becomes easier to offer others real connection and kindness, without resentment bubbling underneath.


💛So What Do Healthy Boundaries For Neurodivergent Mums Look Like?

Great question! Boundaries don’t have to be big and scary — they’re often quiet and gentle.


They might look like:

  • Saying no to an extra school event when you’re exhausted

  • Asking your partner for quiet time after a noisy day

  • Saying “I need to think about that” instead of giving an instant yes

  • Asking people not to touch or hug you if it makes you uncomfortable.


It is OK to start small and work on one boundary at a time. Sometimes it is creating or sometimes it is reinforcing. Check out our free boundary setting tool for a bit of extra support.



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